This Floating Excrement Was Way Too Meaningful! It's the Television Letdowns of the Year.

Looking back, we consider the television offerings of the recent year, a handful of shows stand out not for their excellence, but for their spectacular shortcomings. From awkward spin-offs to confusingly poor docuseries, here are the programmes that left us utterly bewildered or just reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

Where to begin with this divisive follow-up? Plagued with woeful scripts, cringe-inducing arcs (we demand better for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the show struggled to find its footing. For a moment, as the final series started, it seemed as if it had at last found its groove. Then arrived an installment all about Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the creator announced this would be the final series. It ended on a low point; the closeup of Miranda’s loo flooded with poo was just way too on-the-nose. Yet, fans certainly found joy dissecting every single “wtf?” moment. And as Carrie – once again single – danced around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't release a little sob?

All’s Fair

‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? Of course she can’t.’

But that was practically the smallest of this show's problems. The subject of a very rare no-star assessment, it was difficult to know where to start listing the flaws. The hilariously leaden dialogue? The mind-numbing glorification of wealth and materialism? The seemingly deliberate procession of tropes? Acting so bad they felt borderline malicious? Suffice it to say “all of the above” and never speak of this series again. However, a second season has been ordered, so we’re likely going to have to.

AKA Charlie Sheen

Considering the restraining orders, abuse claims and parental failures, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d truly have gleaned it from this multi-part documentary which smirked its way at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless hedonism while struggling to tell us a single thing we weren't already aware of. Instead, it felt as if this loose cannon was being pandered to, so any pity this series might evoke should be reserved for the people who have had to endure close contact with this charming but dismissive egotist.

The Iris Affair

Of course we knew it was preposterous from the get-go: a thriller about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or annihilate all of humanity. We stuck with it out of pure admiration for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One scarcely cared when his character died, and the other ended up slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call giving up the ghost.

MobLand

Shady figures convening in deserted boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its gangland drama back.

Actually, that is harsh on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many seem a bit old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t suffer the embarrassment of having to indulge unconvincing dialects. But there were plenty of other problems. Mainly that it was just really dull; a dispute over drug-selling territory between various cockney picaresques which felt a bit basic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Considering the degree to which she provokes the ire of certain performatively enraged commentators, it’s almost tempting to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s various ventures into quaint lifestyle as deliberate statements. But then you watch them and are forced to admit that in this case, they might have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle magazine animated; a meme for wine o’clock with delusions of grandeur; a parade of snoozing dogs, buzzing beehives, sentimental platitudes and pointless crafting “tips” you’ll forget instantly. All supported by immense, largely undeserved wealth. Ugh.

Victoria Beckham

There are clearly interesting things to be discussed about regarding Victoria Beckham and her journey with career, self-image, self-worth. But for some reason, this documentary series chose not to say them. Instead, the experience was like consuming a sales catalogue. She obviously has good reason to resent what she describes as her “stern” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any helps with this cagey letdown of a series.

The Inheritance

It had the potential to be the next cultural phenomenon – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star as a deceased benefactor and a sharp-tongued personality overseeing her inheritance. What more could you ask for? As players battled it out, there was plenty of betrayal and squabbling. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s even now too complicated to explain what exactly was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw brief appearances of the star via filmed videos. The series ended up reeking of a production that was straining desperately to live up to something far greater than it.

Too Much

How do you succeed a show that defined a generation? The expectation was immense for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a shattered romance. The lead actress took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, reveling in Jane Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very slick and, paradoxically, was insufficient. Plus, the abundance of celebrity cameos involved felt uncomfortable.

The Sketch Show Return

Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the shrewd recruitment of gifted younger comics, expectations were high. But unhappily, most of it didn’t land. A recurring sketch was a one-note joke milked to a husk but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a familiar ranting mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply inspired the thought that they should probably have remained in there a bit longer.

The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely presented the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an interesting drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The material needed to be treated sensitively. Instead, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right tone, lurching from oddly breezy, somewhat mannered farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Complex? Perhaps. A total mess? Absolutely.

Prime Target

We love the lead actor … but did we believe him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so smart he’s on the brink of a discovery that could destabilise society? No! This international thriller about government agencies targeting – and eliminating – academics frankly got more absurd by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.

The Bonnie Blue Documentary

This uncritical portrait followed the content creator renowned for explicit exploits as she prepared for her biggest feat yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was far greater interrogation of her true psychology, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have spoken to the now-famous mum who appeared to drag her son away from the queue. What we got was disturbing imagery and zero critical analysis of her infamy whatsoever. And to think, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.